Screen play draft 2

Screen play improvements notes

Screen play draft 1

INT. ATTIC - MIDDAY

ZOOM IN ON ROCKING CHAIR IN ATTIC FULL OF MISCILANIOUS OBJECTS, CLUTTERED AND DISORGANISED. WHILST THE CHAIR IS ON ITS OWN NOT SURROUNDED BY THE CHAOS. THE ROCKING CHAIR MOVES SLIGHTLY.

INT. HALLWAY IN FAMILY HOME

LOWERED STEPS MAKING IT ABLE TO GET TO THE ATTIC AND BACK, AN OBJECT IS THROWN DOWN THE ATTIC STAIRS.

CAMERA TRACKS AND ZOOMS ON OBJECT ON THE CARPET.

CUT TO LONG SHOT OF HALLWAY

The girl Grace is pale and messy with tangled hair and dark circles under her eyes.

GRACE IS NOW STOOD ON THE STEPS.

TRACKING SHOT OF GRACE WALKING DOWN THE STEPS, SHE WALKS SLOWLY WHILE LIMPING.

INT. BEDROOM

CUT TO CLOSE UP ON RADIO – THE BARS ON THE SCREEN ARE VISIBLY MOVING AS THE RADIO PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.

FADES TO LONG SHOT OF SAMMIE AND RUSSEL ASLEEP

The bedroom is her parent’s and still shows signs of being lived in recently with half open books on bed side tables and clothes still waiting to be put away. In the centre of the room is a large double bed.

Curled up on the edge of a bed is a black haired, attractive young adult, Sammie. Whilst Russel who has fallen asleep on the floor propped up by the edge of the bed is a tall, skinny young male.

SLOW PACED CHILDLIKE EERIE HUMMING IS HEARD OVER THE RADIO PLAYING THE TOP HITS.

CUTS TO BEDROOM DOOR OPENING

CLOSE UP ON GRACE’S FACE

CUTS TO GRACE STANDING IN THE DOORWAY WITH ONE HAND ON THE DOOR FRAME LEANING SLIGHTLY

SWITCH TO CUT OF CLOSE UP OF RADIO SCREEN SHOWING THE BARS NO LONGER MOVING AS THE ROOM FALLS SILENT EXCEPT FOR THE HUMMING.

GRACE BEGINS TO MOVE TOWARDS RUSSEL AS HE MOVES SLIGHTLY IN HIS SLEEP

CLOSE UP ON RUSSELS FACE

CUT TO TRACKING SHOT OF SOME SCISSORS BEING LIFTED

SAMMIE WAKES UP, QUICKLY SITTING UP ON THE BED

PANS ROUND TO SHOW NO ONE ELSE IN THE ROOM BUT RUSSEL AND SAMMIE

THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT AS THE RADIO BEGINS TO PLAY.

SAMMIE:

Wake up Russel!!

Her voice is quiet but panicked

SAMMIE BEGINS SHAKING RUSSEL UNTILL HE WAKES UP. GROGGILY LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM.

BANG! LOUD CRASHES AND BANGING ARE HEARD COMING FROM THE ATTIC

RUSSEL:

What the hell is that?!

Synopsis Draft 2

This is a film in the horror genre, set in the location of an average family home on the edges of a city surrounded by a busy neighbourhood full of other families; the filming will be done in the evening/night time. Independent and head strong 18 year old Samantha Wall has just finished college and will be starting university soon after moving into the house. The protagonist is meant to represent your average student so that it can relate to the audience and she is quite witty and smart making her a likeable character. The action that opens the narrative will be Sammie entering the house carrying boxes with Russel discussing funeral plans for the parents. This causes Sammie to get irritated with him. Russel is Sammie’s child hood friend she has only just recently met up with again at college after he moved away to a private school. This character is meant to help Sammie but in the end starts to cause problems by being too protective and leaving her alone to go investigate weird noises on his own.  No real special equipment will be required just an old rocking chair which I already have which can be used. The action that ends the narrative is Sammie leaving the house for good and selling it to a new family by talking on the phone but trying to warn them and failing. The best part of the film will be when Grace who is the ‘ghost girl’ who lives in the attic begins to investigate the house now that she’s loose and trying to scare Sammie and Russel away. But will she succeed in scaring them away or will she kill them first?

Screen Play example 2 - Hellboy

Screen play example 1 - The Crow